Sunday, July 11, 2010

Damn it all. This hurts.

Well my suspicions were confirmed.  I finally just asked him if I said or did something wrong while I was there or if he just didn't like me like I was afraid of.  I said things have been different between us and you barely talk to me much anymore.  First he said he was really busy at work but then he said that he might as well tell me that he just started seeing someone (just started my ass) and that's why he hasn't been around much. He said he had a great time with me while I was all that we did...yeah we did that.  I gather this is the real reason he didn't want that picture I took of him posted.  Too bad.  He can kiss my ass.  That's the only memory I get of him, it's sure as hell going in my photos.  He says he has only been dating her for a week and a half to two weeks.  Bullshit.  Those times he disappeared to make phone calls I can just bet who he was talking to. I wonder if he even went to work while I was there.  I am really upset in case you haven't noticed.  He said he still wants us to be friends and hopes that it's cool.  I replied with I am not going to lie, I am jealous and hurt.  I know there isn't a chance of us being in a relationship but I can't help liking you.  He said he understood.  I started not giving long answers and he was like should I not have told you?  I said I am crying.  I know it's dumb.  He said he was sorry and gave a sad face.  He said if it makes me feel any better, he is not good at dating and will probably screw it up in a few weeks.  Yeah that makes me feel awesome.  I really like him.  I am crushed.  I have liked him for the longest time.  After I met him I liked him more.  Once again, I am being punished for something.  My life will never stop sucking.  I want to be happy so desperately.  Now I feel like a whore.  I said I wanted to see him again but I guess we won't be taking any trips to NF anytime soon.  He said not soon but sometime maybe. WTF?  I can't say he broke my heart since I don't think I was in love with him and he wasn't my boyfriend, but it still hurts a lot.  I mean a lot.  I wish I knew what the fuck was wrong with me that I get so attached to guys then get so hurt.  I knew better then to get attached to him even without the worry of another girl.  He lives 900 miles away! Duh!  Anyway I can't stop crying.  I will probably be up all night.  Where's the damn ice cream.  Screw losing weight.  Screw everything.

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