Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Life Goes On

Well I think I am as over it as I am going to get.  I still like him and still hope to see him again someday, but I am not hurting nowhere near as much and I'm not really that jealous anymore.  We still talk online often.  He hasn't text my phone in awhile which kind of sucks and he still hasn't flirted with me much like we used to.  Whenever I try, he doesn't respond, or he responds then changes the subject.  Anyway I don't have much to be jealous about. I'm an attractive person albeit overweight, smart, nice albeit over sensitive, etc.  One day I will like someone that likes me back.  Hopefully before I am 30.  He is going to be 35 this week.  Maybe I am too young for him.  I mean I have been with guys much older than he is, but I always knew those were never going to work.  There is something about Him that I just like.  He's nice, tall, cute, smart, a little crazy, a little strange, funny, talkative, hard working (a little too into his work though), likes cats, always asks about my son, likes to take vacations, likes chevy's, likes NASCAR, likes some of the same tv shows, and we both like to eat lol.  We are different though also.  He is very pro Union, which I am not against, but he lets that like be number one in his life.  He votes Democrat mostly I think.  He will never set foot in a walmart.  He goes out of his way to research everything he pays for to make sure it's Union made or operated or American made.  I seriously doubt he would support me wanting to be a stay at home mom, although I don't think most guys would support that anyway, it's just a dream I have that will never be realized.  Anyway I tend to vote more conservatively because I am anti abortion.  I do go to walmart occasionally although I really don't like that place.  I like buying American made also but I don't necessarily make it a priority in life.  I will only buy union made cars though.  He did instill that in me lol.  My Dad was UAW for 31 years though, so it wasn't too hard.  I don't know his religion either.  I don't think he is religious at all.  His father though is Jewish I believe.  Religious differences don't really bother me anyway.  As long as I am not going to end up dead because of someone's religion.
NMC sent me a bunch of paperwork to fill out before they will award any financial aid.  They want to know how it was possible to live off no income since I didn't file taxes this year.  Always something to get in the way of what I want to do.  I still don't know how this is going to work.  I applied for 3 jobs at the Meijer in TC yesterday. It would be nice if they called.  I am assuming my parents will watch Shane.  I think I will have to take night classes though for that to work.  If I get a job I will be doubly screwed, unless I take online classes.  I am hoping I will only be going Monday through Thursday and then they will only have to watch him on Wednesdays and Thursdays.  My parents don't like watching Shane much anymore since we live with them.  That makes it hard to try to date someone.  It's like I can only date them when Shane is at his Dads.
I am getting kind of worried something else may be going on between Him and I.  I am really hoping I will be proven wrong though soon.......
I'm still feeling depressed about stuff.  Letterboxing seems to have lost it's appeal to me.  Deep down I was hoping to meet someone who is into letterboxing to date.  But it seems women are the primary letterboxers, or families, or men that seem to be permanent bachelor types.  It would be nice to find someone that liked this hobby and would go with me but also had more interests in doing other things together.  Sure letterboxing by myself is okay or with Shane, and with my cousin it's fun too, but I am just so tired of being lonely.  I feel like I am meant to be lonely and that makes me unhappy.

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