Crap Crap Crappity Crap

Boo hiss la.  So that girl dumped him today.  A little part of me feels bad but omg I am happy about it.  It's so wrong but I can't help it.  I was mobile and he text me and after we said hi and stuff he was like will you get mad at me if I talk to you about the situation with the girl I am dating.  I was like No.  Then he said well actually you might like to hear this lol.  He said she dumped him on the phone.  I asked if he was ok.  He said he was mad because she got the last word with her ultimatum.  He hasn't told me what that was yet.  Idk if he will.  Whatev.  She is crazy.  He is a great guy.  I wish he liked me as much as I like him. Sigh.  His sister got married on Sunday.  I don't know if he took that girl or not.  I think not since he talked to me a lot while he was in NYC for the wedding.

Anyway the crappy part is, I've been trying to put him out of my mind by flirting with other guys and such.  I am supposed to go meet this guy that I sort of know tonight somewhere.  Okay I really don't know him at all.  I know who he is.  He knows who I am.  That's about it.  He graduated from here in 96.  He actually dated my cousin very briefly when she lived with me so he knows where I live.  Now I don't really want to because HE wants to talk to me when he gets home from work tonight and now I feel weird about meeting someone else since I like him a lot and he is single again...grrrrrrrr this kind of crap always happens to me!

Other news.  I may have a job soon.  I got called for an interview at Meijer in Gaylord last week.  It's a 3 interview process and I had all 3 interviews.  Now they are doing a background check and I should know in 2 weeks (from this past Friday) whether I have the job or not.  Having a job will be good.  It will be 3rd shift grocery again though probably.  It will also kind of suck since I will want to see Him again and won't be able to because I will have work obligations.   Booooooooooo please let me win the lottery soon!  Don't worry I am going to try with all my might not to get attached to him so much like I was before.  That pain sucked hardcore.

Life Goes On

Well I think I am as over it as I am going to get.  I still like him and still hope to see him again someday, but I am not hurting nowhere near as much and I'm not really that jealous anymore.  We still talk online often.  He hasn't text my phone in awhile which kind of sucks and he still hasn't flirted with me much like we used to.  Whenever I try, he doesn't respond, or he responds then changes the subject.  Anyway I don't have much to be jealous about. I'm an attractive person albeit overweight, smart, nice albeit over sensitive, etc.  One day I will like someone that likes me back.  Hopefully before I am 30.  He is going to be 35 this week.  Maybe I am too young for him.  I mean I have been with guys much older than he is, but I always knew those were never going to work.  There is something about Him that I just like.  He's nice, tall, cute, smart, a little crazy, a little strange, funny, talkative, hard working (a little too into his work though), likes cats, always asks about my son, likes to take vacations, likes chevy's, likes NASCAR, likes some of the same tv shows, and we both like to eat lol.  We are different though also.  He is very pro Union, which I am not against, but he lets that like be number one in his life.  He votes Democrat mostly I think.  He will never set foot in a walmart.  He goes out of his way to research everything he pays for to make sure it's Union made or operated or American made.  I seriously doubt he would support me wanting to be a stay at home mom, although I don't think most guys would support that anyway, it's just a dream I have that will never be realized.  Anyway I tend to vote more conservatively because I am anti abortion.  I do go to walmart occasionally although I really don't like that place.  I like buying American made also but I don't necessarily make it a priority in life.  I will only buy union made cars though.  He did instill that in me lol.  My Dad was UAW for 31 years though, so it wasn't too hard.  I don't know his religion either.  I don't think he is religious at all.  His father though is Jewish I believe.  Religious differences don't really bother me anyway.  As long as I am not going to end up dead because of someone's religion.

NMC sent me a bunch of paperwork to fill out before they will award any financial aid.  They want to know how it was possible to live off no income since I didn't file taxes this year.  Always something to get in the way of what I want to do.  I still don't know how this is going to work.  I applied for 3 jobs at the Meijer in TC yesterday. It would be nice if they called.  I am assuming my parents will watch Shane.  I think I will have to take night classes though for that to work.  If I get a job I will be doubly screwed, unless I take online classes.  I am hoping I will only be going Monday through Thursday and then they will only have to watch him on Wednesdays and Thursdays.  My parents don't like watching Shane much anymore since we live with them.  That makes it hard to try to date someone.  It's like I can only date them when Shane is at his Dads.

I am getting kind of worried something else may be going on between Him and I.  I am really hoping I will be proven wrong though soon.......
I'm still feeling depressed about stuff.  Letterboxing seems to have lost it's appeal to me.  Deep down I was hoping to meet someone who is into letterboxing to date.  But it seems women are the primary letterboxers, or families, or men that seem to be permanent bachelor types.  It would be nice to find someone that liked this hobby and would go with me but also had more interests in doing other things together.  Sure letterboxing by myself is okay or with Shane, and with my cousin it's fun too, but I am just so tired of being lonely.  I feel like I am meant to be lonely and that makes me unhappy.

Still Feeling Blah

I'm still very much hurt over this.  I have talked to him a few times online.  Last night he wasn't very talkative.......to me anyway.  The thing that is really bothering me is now that he told me he is seeing someone, whenever I am not talking to him, I just keep picturing him with someone else.  It sucks.  Or when I am talking to him and he isn't talking much, I take that to mean he is talking to someone else.  The really dumb part is it's not like him and I used to talk 24/7 or anything.  We only talked an hour or 2 a day sometimes not even that sometimes not at all.  I noticed things started changing between us a couple months ago, so I guess that is when he got interested in this other girl.  There was a thing involving the hotel we were supposed to stay at too.  We were originally supposed to stay somewhere else, but I think he used that hotel on this girl.  That makes me feel crappy.  I wrote him a long email the other day that pretty much made me sound psycho.  He didn't respond.  We talked about it sort of and he sort of confirmed some things I was suspicious about, which of course doesn't make me feel better.  I miss him.  I miss they way we used to talk.  I don't know what is more hurtful to me.  He is with someone else, which makes me feel hurt and jealous.  I like him and I am not supposed to like him.  He obviously never liked me.........well I think he did before but I doubt he would ever admit that, especially while he is seeing someone.  The thing that is also disturbing is the fact that they aren't a couple, they are just seeing each other.  There really isn't much difference in my book but I guess it makes it sound less serious.  That doesn't matter to me.  The fact that he is spending time with someone and probably sleeping with her makes me feel hurt.  I just wish I could go back and meet him in February or March like we were supposed to.  I think it would have been a lot more fun.  I don't think he was seeing anyone then so he would have enjoyed being with me more.  I also wish I could erase knowing about her from my mind and carry on with him like nothing is different.  He thinks I am crazy.  He didn't say this.  In fact he said I wasn't crazy, but he won't talk to me much or in the same way.  Another reason I think I am hurt is because he is seeing someone and I am not.  I have not been in a relationship since Brad left me.  That was almost 2 years ago.  I have had a fling in that time.  Definitely not serious.  Before I went to see my friend, I hadn't slept with anyone in over a year.  Now I seem I only want him and I can't have him.  I feel like I am destined to be lonely.  I hate that feeling.  It hurts so much.  I don't want to be alone anymore.  I want to be happy.  I want to be with someone.  I feel like something is wrong with me that no one will ever like me.  I only want what I can't ever have.  I find myself contemplating who of my friends I could sleep with.  Just sex.  Just to try to get the whole situation with him out of my head.  I can't think of anyone. I don't think I could do that anyway.  I'm not that type of person.  I'm a sweet girl who is way too sensitive and whose life seems to be spinning out of control. I am really depressed about everything.  I just cry all the time.  I don't know how I am going to pretend to be happy and cheerful when I go get Shane today.

Damn it all. This hurts.

Well my suspicions were confirmed.  I finally just asked him if I said or did something wrong while I was there or if he just didn't like me like I was afraid of.  I said things have been different between us and you barely talk to me much anymore.  First he said he was really busy at work but then he said that he might as well tell me that he just started seeing someone (just started my ass) and that's why he hasn't been around much. He said he had a great time with me while I was there..in all that we did...yeah we did that.  I gather this is the real reason he didn't want that picture I took of him posted.  Too bad.  He can kiss my ass.  That's the only memory I get of him, it's sure as hell going in my photos.  He says he has only been dating her for a week and a half to two weeks.  Bullshit.  Those times he disappeared to make phone calls I can just bet who he was talking to. I wonder if he even went to work while I was there.  I am really upset in case you haven't noticed.  He said he still wants us to be friends and hopes that it's cool.  I replied with I am not going to lie, I am jealous and hurt.  I know there isn't a chance of us being in a relationship but I can't help liking you.  He said he understood.  I started not giving long answers and he was like should I not have told you?  I said I am crying.  I know it's dumb.  He said he was sorry and gave a sad face.  He said if it makes me feel any better, he is not good at dating and will probably screw it up in a few weeks.  Yeah that makes me feel awesome.  I really like him.  I am crushed.  I have liked him for the longest time.  After I met him I liked him more.  Once again, I am being punished for something.  My life will never stop sucking.  I want to be happy so desperately.  Now I feel like a whore.  I said I wanted to see him again but I guess we won't be taking any trips to NF anytime soon.  He said not soon but sometime maybe. WTF?  I can't say he broke my heart since I don't think I was in love with him and he wasn't my boyfriend, but it still hurts a lot.  I mean a lot.  I wish I knew what the fuck was wrong with me that I get so attached to guys then get so hurt.  I knew better then to get attached to him even without the worry of another girl.  He lives 900 miles away! Duh!  Anyway I can't stop crying.  I will probably be up all night.  Where's the damn ice cream.  Screw losing weight.  Screw everything.

Vacation time over

Connecticut was awesome. My drive to Detroit was fine.  My flight did get delayed for almost 3 hours due to storms and my bag had to get searched and I had to walk through the metal detector twice.  My friend knew it was delayed as I had been texting him all day long and he had the updates of the flight sent to his phone.  While I was at the airport in Detroit, I went to Hockeytown bar/restaurant. $13 for a rum and coke and chips n salsa! WTF?! I gate checked my carry on suitcase and got to board the plane first.  The flight was alright.  There was quite a bit of turbulence cause we had to fly through the storms.  Lots of screaming babies on the flight.  I was glad when we could turn on iPods!  Before landing in New York City, we flew over the Statue of Liberty and Brooklyn Bridge.  That was so cool!!  I got to baggage claim and he showed up a minute later.  He hugged me and carried my stuff.  We walked out of the airport and holy heat wave.  It was 90 something and it was 9 pm and the humidity was insane!  I used his phone to call my mom to confirm I was still alive since mine died.  All I could see of the drive to CT was trees everywhere after we left the city.  It was too dark to see much else.  We went to a diner before going to the hotel.  They gave an insane amount of food.  I ordered a chicken sandwich and they had 2 huge chicken breasts on it! No I didn't finish my dinner and he was really nice and paid for it.  After dinner, we went to CVS where he bought cookies and doritos.  At the hotel we watched TV and stuff....then went to sleep.

He had to work the next day but not until evening.  We slept in then he had to make some phone calls for his job.  I took a shower while he was in his car or wherever he went.  Then we went letterboxing! Yay!  He had never been letterboxing before and found it sort of interesting.  We found 1 box then went to Dunkin Donuts for breakfast even though it was like 1 pm.  We then went on this long walk to find series of boxes.  I found 4 of the 6.  I had flip flops on.  Not a good idea.  I got my foot caught in pickers and made a bloody mess.  After the hike, we went to his parents house to get some water.  It was still insanely hot and humid and it looked like it was going to downpour at any second.  I cleaned up my foot while there and he fed his cat, Radar.  It started raining hard but we left anyways.  We went and found one more box at a cemetery before he took me back to the hotel so he could go to work.  I didn't do much at the hotel.  I cleaned our room since we slept too late for housekeeping.  I read a little, watched tv, used the internet, and waited for him to come back.  He came back around 8:30.  We hung out for awhile.........then watched some tv and then went to Ruby Tuesday in Bridgeport I think.  I had a burger and a coke.  He had a girly non alcoholic drink and shrimp and pasta lol.  For dessert we shared a piece of NY Cheesecake. OMG YUMMMMMY.  He paid for dinner again.  We drove through all these towns on the way back to the hotel because we wanted to avoid road construction.  It was dark.  I saw most of CT in the dark lol.  We stayed up way too late watching King of the Hill episodes of all things haha.  We had to get up at 6:30 am so that was dumb.

We got up on time and left the hotel by 7.  He drove fast and sort of crazy but I guess that is just how he drives lol. Traffic was pretty insane already though.   He got me to the airport, dropped me off and gave me another hug and said to come back. I checked in to my flight at 7:55.  We made good time.  My flight was at 9:40.  Security went by easier this time except the belt on one of the xray machines broke so we had to wait while they moved all the bags to the other one.  I gate checked my bag again and the flight back to Detroit was fine.  There was like 50 Orthodox Jews on it though which was kind of odd but interesting.  My drive back to Flint was fine.

I went to Paula's parents house and we went letterboxing.  I tried to nap a little on the car ride.  I slept for a couple hours when we got home from letterboxing.  Then we went to a diner and then went to watch Eclipse on IMAX!  Omg awesome!  By far the best movie of the saga thus far.   It had some funny lines in it and lots of hot action.  Ahh Edward *swoon*.  When we got out of the movie, the sun was coming up!  We went back to her parents house and went right to sleep.  I woke up at about 9 something and left at 10 to drive straight to Johannesburg to pick up Shane.  Talk about being completely exhausted.  The home from vacation depression set in right away though.

My parents took Shane and I camping Friday through Monday and Daniel joined us Sunday night.  My air mattress got a hole in it.  That sucked.  There were several holes apparently because every time we patched one it still went flat.  Saturday we went garage saling and found an awesome one.  Shane got a tent, camping chair, sleeping bag, and a bug catching kit for $10.  Plus they had a cot!  Shane slept in that tent by himself.  The cot was nice.  We also went swimming in the pool for a bit.  Shane learned to swim by himself with his life jacket on.  The next day we climbed Castle Rock.  I found 2 letterboxes on it yay.  Daniel came up that night and we watched the fireworks from the campground.  We got to see Mackinaw City, St Ignace, and Mackinac Island's firework shows!  Super cool.  I slept outside that night as it was so hot.  At 4 am however it started raining and we moved into the tent.

The depression is still there.  I like my friend.  I think that's mostly what it's about.  I liked him before I went there.  I like him more now.  I was scared about meeting him because I didn't think he would like me once he met me.   I am afraid I am right.  I mean we did have fun but now he hasn't been as talkative to me and the tone of our conversations is different.  He already told me several months ago that there wasn't really a chance of being in a relationship because we live too far apart so we should just have fun when we met.  I agree.  I know it's not really possible for anything to come of him and I.  I can't move there, and he would be stupid to give up a great job to move here where there is no such thing as a job let alone a great job.  Although that is getting way ahead of anything.  Just sayin it wouldn't work.  It makes me sad to think about never seeing him again though.  I get the feeling he doesn't want to see me again.  Maybe he is just super busy with work or whatever.  I think other things.  I think he likes someone else.  I kind of get jealous thinking about him hanging out with other girls and that is just really dumb.  I had an amazing time and I should just be happy that I got to go there and meet him even if that means everything is different and he doesn't like me anymore =(.  We were still going to go to Niagara Falls sometime after summer is over when he can get time off, but I doubt that is going to happen now.  Okay now I am super sobbing.

But I do have some great news.  Rachel and Amy are both pregnant!  Yay!  They make me want to have a baby.  I don't think that is ever going to happen though :( Another thing..I have decided to go back to college.  Hopefully I can get everything in order before fall but definitely spring 11 if not.  I guess this sort of stemmed from being depressed.  I decided that the only way I wouldn't be depressed is if I had something to do and money to do more fun things more often.  I am going for Nursing since it's a job that is always needed and pays decent.  The nursing program itself sounds a little challenging to get in to, but I have to do  some of the general stuff first anyway, and I guess I could use a little bit of a challenge in my life.  Other good news, I haven't gone to ww in a long time and I haven't gained anything.  I haven't lost either, but I was concerned I had gained.  I am going back to ww Monday though.

A day to catch up

I know it's been awhile since I've posted.

Towards the end of May, I got to meet a letterboxer I have always wanted to meet!.  Windjammer from St. Ignace.  A lot of the letterboxes I have found, I always see his signature stamp so I wanted to meet him.  I was very excited.  He is a really nice talkative guy even though he never posts anything on the message boards on AQ.  A couple weeks later, koalacat was up visiting and letterboxing with me.  I decided to ask Windjammer if he would like to meet us in St.  Ignace so he could exchange with koalacat.  He met us after work (he works on Mackinac Island...lucky!) at a letterbox we were attempting to find for the third time.  We found it this time!  Then he let us follow him around to some letterboxes we hadn't found yet.  He didn't help us find the boxes, but took us to the locations.  We had a nice time.  Shane was with me both times.

So there was this guy that I had been seeing all over town all the time every day almost and usually several times a day.  One day I decided that I was going to try to avoid him because I was starting to get a crush on him.  There are several reasons why having a crush on him is not a good idea but I thought it was just from seeing him all the time.  Anyway that same day, after I came home, I saw a vehicle at my neighbors house that looked like his.  And it was his.  wtf?  I'd never seen him over there before.  Anyway I gave up trying to avoid him because that seemed pointless.  2 weeks ago I thought he fell off the face of the earth or maybe he was trying to avoid me.  I stopped noticing him. Strange.  Maybe he thought I was stalking him.  Oh well.  I think he had a different vehicle though or something or went somewhere.

I planted a new letterbox series in Bellaire.  I went to check on the boxes because I needed to do some maintenance on a couple.  While there had another creepy guy encounter.  This one was setting fire "to get rid of the bugs" he said after scaring me to death cause I didn't see him.  Setting a fire in a nature preserve?  And he was right next to my box.  Luckily he didn't seem to notice the box.  I checked on it later when he had left.  I think he was out there smoking something and set the fire to cover up that smell........anyway creepy.  I also carved myself a new signature stamp and I made one for Shane.  I had been using a store bought stamp since 2007.

I am flying from Detroit to New York City to meet a friend. He will pick me up and drive me to Connecticut.  I am leaving today.  I am super nervous.  I will only be there for 2 days.  I was hoping to letterbox there but looking at the forecast, that is probably not going to happen.  I have been wanting to meet him for awhile but I have a lot of anxiety about flying and meeting him for the first time.  I am dreading going through security.  I'm always afraid I am not going to do something right and will have to get searched.  I am only bringing a carry on suitcase and a shoulder bag.

I came down to Flint Friday and got to meet The Hicks From The Sticks (more letterboxers I have been wanting to meet!)  and then go letterboxing.  Saturday we went letterboxing all day.  I found a lot but we had some setbacks.  We were trying to find some in Oxford at this park.  We couldn't find them.  We went on a wrong trail I think.  Paula got her feet majorly stuck in sinking mud.  I thought I saw bear tracks.  There was something dead and very smelly in the garbage can.  We forgot bug spray and sunblock.  It was 90 degrees sunny, super humid, and I was wearing jeans that were sticking to me!  I have bites and I thought I had a sunburn but hopefully not.

Now it is thunderstorming.......hoping my flight isn't delayed but we will see... When I come back on Tuesday, Paula and I are going to do some more boxing and then we're watching Eclipse at 2:50 am at the IMAX! 6 stories of Edward ahhhhhhhhhh.

Well I probably left lots of stuff out but that's a pretty good catch up blog.

Searched by U.S. Border Patrol, Big Foot sighting, Letterboxing & STUFF!

Too bad you HAVE to read the rest of my blog before we get to that excitement!

The excitement started Thursday.  It decided to get cold and snow some.  Not much.  I still took Shane to the park and I tried to figure out my Dad's old complicated gps to try and find a geocache.  No luck with that.   Coincidences involving a certain guy have been going on for the past year.  I am certain they are just coincidences although I kind of wish they weren't.   Also on Thursday I went shopping with Mom.  Paula text me and said she may be coming up.

Friday: Went to the park again.  I cleaned my room and then cleaned Shane's room.  I set up the air mattress for Paula.  She arrived as I was finishing making the bed for her.  We decided to go GEOCACHING! We found 2. Her gps is much more awesome.  It's like the one I rented with my rental car in Los Angeles.  In one geocache was a coupon for 2.00 off a pizza so guess what I had for dindin?

Saturday: My son's dad took Shane for a couple of hours so he could go to a birthday party.  Paula and I went to a letterbox in Gaylord that she hadn't found yet.  We also found a geocache there that was in pretty sad shape.  We then went back home and waited for Shane to be dropped off.  Then off to a retirement party for a cousin of ours.  Shane wasn't all that well behaved when we were there.  We drove around.  We went and checked on a box she had planted to make sure it was still there.......it was.  We were gonna look for geocaches but ended up not.  We attempted the one at the park again with no luck.

Sunday:  Shane and I went to church of course.  Then we came home and went with Paula to Alpena and surrounding areas letterboxing.  We found a few.  We had a mishap of getting halfway there and realizing we didn't have the clues though.  Alpena isn't exactly close by.  I live on the Northwest side of Michigan....it's on the Northeast.  My parents were kind enough to bring them to us.  We just each drove towards each other til we met.  While finding Water Lily, we had an interesting time.  First while walking through the woods we see this guy with a mohawk in spikes carrying a plastic gun.........ummmm okay I had to keep shushing my son so he wouldn't ask loud questions about the guy.  Then we were on a different part of the trail.......I look behind me and see this THING....Big Foot? Swamp Thing? Walking Leaves? Anyway it was climbing up the hill behind us with a gun.  I turned my head back around sort of startled.  Then I look back at it again and its much closer and of course I start laughing cause that's my thing.  I THINK these kids were playing laser tag.  He was wearing a sniper costume that was all hairy and leafy.  It was still a bit freaky to see.

Monday:  We decide to try and do a lot of letterboxes in the Traverse City area.  We left early since my son had to be at his Dads later in the afternoon.  I had to weigh in at WW in TC too (which was not cool btw).  Okay on LbNA there is a box for Crystal Mountail Art Park........it says it's in TC....but really it's like a 40 minute drive from TC.  And the clues make it sound like it's not that hard and don't mention anything about the hike being difficult.  IT WAS! OMG.  I think I burned off every calorie I had ever eaten.  We had to climb a mountain.  I have an almost 3 year old who completely lost patience with this.  He kept throwing himself on the ground didn't want to walk.. Arrrgh not cool at all.  After we finally got the box we went back to TC and found an easy in town box.   Then Shane's dad called and away we went to Gaylord.  From Gaylord we went to the state park in Charlevoix and found 2 more boxes.  I attempted a third one that was yet another loooong walk but the box was gone.

Tuesday:  We're going to Canada!  Paula and I both have enhanced drivers licenses so we can go to Canada and Mexico and anyplace else in North America by land or sea.  We got Paula's oil changed first in Gaylord.  Then we drove to Canada.  We had no problem getting in.  We found 4 letterboxes in Canada which took a few hours.  Then we came back.....arrrrrrrghhhhhh.  First off Paula drops one of our licenses on the floor before it was our turn to pull up to the border patrol booth.  She opened her door and took of her seatbelt to do so.  They probably noticed her doing this who knows.  Then I had sunglasses on which they asked me to remove.  Okay.  Paula's eyes were watering from allergies.  I didn't know exactly how far Mancelona was from Sault Ste Marie.  Anyway either we were suspicious or it was just our lucky day to get the random search.  I am pretty sure they thought we were stoned off our butts though.  They made us pull into a garage and exit the vehicle.  This guy searched Paulas car and started asking us a billion (seriously) questions.  Have you ever been arrested? NO.  Then Paula says she had tickets before.  The guy asks if they were for marijuana!?! NO.. How do we know each other? We're cousins. Then he started talking about some old tv show with identical cousins.  He asked what we did for a living.  I said right now I was a stay at home mom.  He said well you didn't stay at home today....lol..I think.  He found Paula's stash of rubber stamps and carving supplies and asked what they were.  So we told him we were letterboxers and that's what we were really doing in Canada.  When he asked us initially we just said we were visiting some parks up there.  He didn't ask what that was so I guess he'd heard of it.  He asked how many mpg Paula's car got.  He said his got 11...lol..I think. He finally let us go.  That was not at all a cool way to end our trip to Canada lol.  Then we went to Brimley and Bay Mills and found some more boxes.

Wednesday: Paula went home today.  I went and picked up Shane today then we went to the park......

Bum Knee Part 3!!!

My results for the MRI had the dr calling me right away.  My leg is broke!  Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.  Okay it's a small stress fracture right below my knee.  It's so weird.  My pain was almost gone and I was walking normally and everything.  Now I am wearing this horrible huge knee immobilizing brace! I am also supposed to be using crutches.  I hate them.  I am not the most coordinated person in the world.  Monday night I fell off the FRONT porch on my face! I was laughing and crying.  I twisted my right ankle (the uninjured leg!), and stubbed  my left big toe.  Luckily the neighbors all appeared to not be home and no cars drove by as I did this.  My parents were freaking out/laughing at me.  We were going to Subway. Ay yi yi.  This brace weighs 2 lbs.  So at WW I had a 0.4 lb gain which means I really lost 1.6! This coming Monday I have to go back to the dr and then he is gonna send me somewhere to get an air brace thing so I can move!  This is so annoying.  In other news though, it was 75 degrees in Northern Michigan today and tomorrow is gonna be even warmer! LOOOOOOOOVE IT! Now I need to get a tan but not sure I want to sport a sexy leg brace farmers tan haha.  Ohhh and my brother moved to Traverse City with his friends, so now Shane has his own room and that means I have my own room too!  Wooooohoooo.  They both look pretty spiffy too.  Now if only I wasn't a 27 year old loser living with her parents.....:( Oh well don't really care anymore.  As long as I am single, I see no point in getting my own place.

Shane is obsessed with The Wizard of Oz!  He knows the movie by heart and demands to watch it everyday!  The funny part is, my dad recorded the movie off TV in the 80s so it has all these old commercials mixed in and Shane has those memorized too!!! It's great.   He will be 3 next month.  I love how uber smart he is.  Momma is proud of her little man.

~C

Bum Knee Part 2

Wednesday, I went to the trailer I used to live in that belonged to my late Grandma to get some more of my things to bring to my parents house where I now live. I went there looking for my iTunes gift card that I still can't find.  I ended up bringing a bunch of stuff back. I got some shorts and my scale.  My scale is way off too.  It weighs accurate up to a certain weight but whenever I get on it says I weigh like 8 lbs more than what my moms scale says and my moms is pretty close to the weight watcher scale.  Anyway, my knee was still bothering me on Wednesday so I called the doctor's office.  Of course he has Wednesday's off but the receptionist/nurse was there so she scheduled me an appointment for yesterday at 11:30 am.  Of course yesterday, like Sunday, my knee decides not to hurt so much.  Dr. Laskey rocks. He is the nicest doctor I've ever had. I've never been to him before but everyone has recommended him so I decided to have him be my new doc. My knee wasn't hurting too much until he started moving it everywhere. Owwwwww. He said he could tell it was really tender and definitely swollen. He says it could be just a strained band but he is thinking it's a torn meniscus.  A strained band is usually more common if you fall or do something traumatic like that.  However I would much rather have that than a torn meniscus.  I have to get a MRI Thursday to see for sure.  I am now on drugs. Prednisone for the swelling and Ultram for the pain.  The Ultram makes me super dizzy and drowsy. Anyway if it is torn, I will have to have outpatient surgery. Definitely not looking forward to that.  I am not looking forward to the continuation of taking Prednisone. Common side effects are rapid weight gain and water retention. Yay for steroids  :(.  At the end of the doctor's appointment, he asked me how old I was.  I told him I was 27 and he was really taken aback.  He said I looked a lot younger than that.  He thought he was going to have to write me a note to get out of gym class for high school! LOL.  Yeah that made my day. My friend's father in law just got his knee replaced recently, and it all started about 10 years ago with a torn meniscus that they also did an outpatient surgery on back then.  My mom was telling him that they think that's what I have and he was just like oh no.  I really really really hope it's not that. Arrrrrgh.  Anyway I was supposed to go to Niagara Falls, Ontario, CA at the end of this month to meet my friend for the first time in person.  We now have to postpone it again! Boooo.

Bum Knee

Yeah it royally sucks!!!  So two weeks ago, right when the weather started getting nicer and the snow started melting, I decide I am just gonna take up running! Pfffft.  I have never been a distance runner or really any kind of runner ever!  I did track when I was in 7th grade.  That is about it for me running.  I didn't think I could run very far and didn't expect to so I was quite surprised when I ran a half mile without stopping. I actually was crying cause I really and truly didn't think I could.  Then I walked 2 miles then for my last half mile I ran most of it but did stop and walk a couple of times.  I repeated this for 4 days, then took 3 days off, then decided to run again last Monday.  My legs always hurt when I run but in a normal I'm not used to this sort of way and the pain goes away after I am done.  On Monday though, my left knee started hurting after about a 1/4 mile and I kept going because I thought it was just the normal aches and pains but by the time I completed my 1/2 mile I knew it wasn't a normal pain.  It hurt far too much.  I was a ways away from home and I had to walk home and I could barely walk.  I had weight watchers that night and was very limpy.  I decided not to weigh in.  My knee hurt badly all week.  I could hardly move.  I used an array of braces til I finally had to buy one that fit right.  I decided that if it didn't feel any better I should call the doctor today. Yesterday it didn't feel as bad.  Today was alright for awhile but now it's hurting terrible again.  I didn't exercise at all this week since I can hardly walk.  When I have my knee bent it doesn't hurt much but when I am moving it to or from the bent position, it hurts bad.  If I just have it stretched out it hurts.  It  hurts on the right side of my left knee underneath it sort of but the pain spreads to my knee all the time.  Ay yi yi!  Today though I went to Weight Watchers again and weighed in this time.  I have now lost 20 lbs! 21 to be exact but I was so glad to get that 20 lbs off.  It took me 5 months!!! That is way too slow for me and the 20 lbs just seemed like an obstacle I was never going to get around.  I would get so close and then gain.  Maybe now it will come off faster.  Before I went and hurt myself, the day before actually, I spent letterboxing with my cousin.  It was a gorgeous warm day and we went to the East "coast" of Michigan and had lots of fun hiking and looking at interesting sculptures at a park in Tawas lol. I took some nice photos which I guess I should upload to facebook sometime.  I always wait forever to upload pics.  Shane had a dentist appointment a few days ago and it went great.   Ohhhh and about a month ago my car died again.  This time it was at Meijer.  It wasn't cool.  Very expensive.  Had  to get the on board computer module replaced.  I so wish I had a job.  I took the census test and passed with flying colors.  Hope they call!  Well that's about all folks.

Yoga kicked my butt!

Bob Harper laid the smackdown on me today with Yoga on level: challenging for 31 min plus a 7 min challenging warm up and a 9 min challenging cool down.  There were no circuit breaks either omg.  I'm glad I got this groovy new watch that monitors your heart rate and keeps track of calories burned, cause I burned way more than what the wii said I did.  I thought Yoga was supposed to be relaxing. Oh the pain! lol  Well I said this week was going to be my boot camp week, I guess it really is.  I hope tomorrow takes a long time to get here. But I feel sooooooo great now that I got it out of the way for today.  I get to eat popcorn and watch Bob and Jillian whip people into shape tonight.  Can't wait!  Or maybe since it is Fat Tuesday, I will eat my unhealthy, fattening paczki instead.  Seems kind of wrong to eat that while watching The Biggest Loser but oh well.  I am saving points to enjoy one of those at some point during the day.  Yummmmm

*Edit* Just realized Biggest Loser won't be on. Boooooooooo.  I like the Olympics and all but I was looking forward to watching my show!

2 weeks

I haven't blogged in awhile.  Last Saturday morning I went down to Flint to visit my cousin Paula.  We did some major amounts of letterboxing. It was really cold and windy on Saturday.  One of the boxes I attempted was frozen inside a tree inside ice.  I didn't have a crowbar or hot liquid to get it out with.  Oh well next time maybe.  We also attempted a box, that we attempted the last time we were down, and once again couldn't find it. Silly people and their difficult clues.  Well actually the clues all made sense right up to the end.  We just couldn't figure it out.  Maybe we will try to get that one next time also!  Sunday we did some Sterling Heights and Troy boxing after finding a couple on the way.  Monday, I went to HELL!!!  What a weird smaaaaalllll town.  They had 2 cool letterboxes there though.  We also went to Howell and Brighton.  I found 20 letterboxes........  Tuesday we woke up to a winter storm!  Yes apparently it happens down there once in awhile lol.  We stayed home until about 1 or 2.......but I was only 6 boxes shy of 200 and I really wanted that 200th box, but I also didn't want to die.  We finally decided to go to Ann Arbor......which normally takes an hour or so....it took about 2.  Everyone was driving 45 on the expressway.  I drove my car since I am more used to driving in those conditions and I just got new tires so hopefully we wouldn't be slipping and sliding too much.  We went to Saline cause there was this place that had 10 letterboxes.  Oh this will be awesome!  We could only find 3 lol.  Of course we didn't look too long for each box cause it was snowing like crazy!  Okay off to Ann Arbor and Ypsilanti.  We found quite a few.  Then we went to works4us's house.  Got to meet her and get another exchange.  Yay.  We stayed at her house for a long time.  They offered to let us stay there but we decided to head back home.  The expressway was awful driving.  I could only drive about 25-30.  I just kept behind this one car the whole way.  I didn't care how slow I had to go.  Visibility was awful.  Some idiot tried to pass me on the right shoulder of the road and they went in the ditch.  We made it back to Flint after midnight.  It took over 2 hours. Then it was officially my 27th birthday.  All the schools were already closed the night before.  The next day things were much better and I drove back home.  It took about 3 hours which is pretty normal.  

I celebrated my birthday at Applebee's in TC with my parents and son.  This past Saturday I went to East Jordan for Brad's nephews birthday party.  That was fun.  We went rollerblading.  Shane had fun.

Valentine's Day was once again spent without having a significant other.  Shane was my handsome lil Valentine though!

My ex Grandpa inlaw died this morning.  He hasn't been doing well for awhile but got bad this past week.  He was a great man.  The nicest and funniest person.  I will miss him.

I didn't go to weight watchers last week.  I went tonight and faced the music.  What a sour note indeed!  I so gained.  Uggggghhhhh.......gonna have to boot camp it this week.

Good Week!

So this week has been pretty alright.......Let's see if I can recall it lol.

Tuesday:  I spent the day in TC with Joey and then drove all over God's WHITE Earth lol.  It was a fun time.  His mom passed away and I think the little break helped him for awhile.  I then watched The Biggest Loser which was great as usual.

Wednesday:  I was awoken with a text message from ALEX in Cali! Woot. Then he called me! Yay!  It was really great talking to him. I love it when people call me, just don't expect me to call lol.

Thursday:  Not much happened.  I don't remember much.  I know it was a good tv night though!

Friday: Joey's mom's visitation was this day. I went and he barely spoke to me.  All my relatives were there though and we didn't stay too long so it was alright.

Saturday:  I went to the memorial service for Joey's mom and to the luncheon afterward.  I took Shane to that.  He remembered Joey very well and was yelling for him a lot.  Didn't really talk much to Joey here either.  I am trying to keep in mind that he is going through a horribly difficult time and trying not to get bothered by it.  I know I am being stupidly selfish.  Saturday I also went grocery shopping with my parents and Shaneroo.  I got a watch that keeps track of your heart rate and how many calories you have burned woohoo!

Sunday:  I weighed myself (bad girl) and was like in complete shock.  I'd eaten a ton of not so good for me things and didn't exercise much at all this week (2 weeks straight really took it's toll and I didn't see the weight results I wanted) and my weight was DOWN! I went to TC with my parents also.

Monday (that would be today): I went and dropped Shane off with Brad.  Brad gave me major money (yay thanks Brad).  I paid my the fee for my license plate tags for the year and got my driver's license renewed.  I got the enhanced license so now I can travel North America by land and sea.  I was kinda pissed because I passed the vision test but I think the new license is still going to say corrective lenses.  That really jerks my chain.  I never wear them and I can see fine as I proved by passing the test without them grrrrrr.  Also I look like a fat moo moo cow in the pic.  Today I also discovered this website called MyShape.com.  It FORCED me to take all my measurements UGH.  Then it tells you what kind of body you have and gives you lots and lots of outfit ideas that would look good on you.  Quite awesome.  I did a Biggest Loser workout, showered, and went to weight watchers where I LOST 3 POUNDS! WOOOOOOHOOOOO!  I wish it would have been 3.2 though then I would have got my 20 lbs star but I was so happy!  I'm not going next week.  So for the next 2 weeks let's see if I can lose 5.2 lbs so I can get my 20 and 25 stars!!!  I love stars haha.

I've been planning my trip to see koalacat.  I kind of want to meet some boxers from down there but dunno who can on kind of short notice.  I don't really want to do a meet and greet cause I want to find a shitton of letterboxes lol.

Protecting my heart?

Wow so I think that I've had a breakthrough on why I don't like certain guys and why I am so strangely attracted to others.  There are guys that like me that live locally, but I am not attracted to them at all really.  I however have this strange attraction to guys that live far away from me!  I've come to the conclusion that I do this because I have been hurt so bad in the past, that I know if I like a guy that lives out of driving distance, I can't really get hurt because the relationship will not have a chance to become serious (I can't move more than 100 miles from Mancelona without a bunch of court hassles because of my son).  I have never thought about this before.  I just thought I didn't like guys that lived close by for some other reason.  But when I really think about it, the guys I have liked over the years that live far away aren't really more physically attractive or a lot nicer or anything that different from guys that live around here.  Anyway it's interesting but also kind of sad.  I want to be in a relationship but I am not allowing myself to be in one?  Even though I have had this breakthrough, it doesn't change the fact that I am not attracted to the people that are attracted to me......sigh.

Flint area boxing 2-6 - 2-9

I am turning 27 on the 10th of February.  I am planning on going down to see koalacat (my cousin Paula) on the 6th through the 9th to hopefully get some letterboxing in. Yay!  I hope it's not a blizzard or something or we will be playing a lot of Apples to Apples!  Who wants to party? Me do!

This week at WW wasn't good.  I lost 0.8!  Grrrrrrrrrrr

My good friend Joey lost his mom on Sunday :(  Today him and I went to TC and went shopping, ate Chinese (yeah that's really gonna help me but MMMMM Sesame Chicken!) Then we drove to Rapid City, Bellaire, Central Lake, Ellsworth, East Jordan, Mancelona, Alba, Gaylord, and back to Mancelona!  Wow that's a lot of places huh?  Too bad there was no letterboxing involved.  I did buy some studio g $1.00 inks at Joanns though so I guess letterboxing was involved a little!

The snow came back today.   Not fun.

First Letterbox of 2010

Yay! Yesterday (Saturday), my mom wanted to go drive somewhere that she had never been before. We decided on Tawas City. It's on Lake Huron. I decided to print of a clue for a letterbox. The directions sounded easy enough. I should point out (again) that I live in the snow belt. I can't go letterboxing in the winter for the most part. We get a lot of snow. Not a little skimp where the ground is barely covered but rather where we have a least a foot of snow on the ground at all times. Many of the places that have letterboxes are not accessible with a car in the winter. I don't have snow shoes or cross country skis. Assuming I had those to help me out, I still would have to at least shovel the letterbox out of somewhere. Of course there is also the problem of having a pretty good chance landmarks and things mentioned in the clue will also be covered with snow. Anywho you get the idea..letterboxing in Mancelona, MI in the winter is not exactly a good idea.  Also, there really aren't that many letterboxes within reasonable driving distance of Mancelona.

SOOOooooooo Tawas City is further south and definitely not it in the snow belt. There was hardly any snow there. I had to take my son to his dad in Gaylord, so we went that way. My mom didn't want to take I75 because she wanted to see little towns and stuff. We drove all the way to Alpena and then south to Tawas. We stopped in some town on the way and did some resale shopping at the Salvation Army. I got Shane a few things, and I got a little black purse and a new wallet. Salvation Army is a million times cheaper than Goodwill. Goodwill is a giant ripoff in my opinion. Anyway daylight was fading fast. By the time we got to Tawas, it was dark. We found the place where the letterbox was located. My Dad was with me. The directions were simple sounding until you get to the last clue and then look around you. Crap! This is "interesting"; especially in the dark. My Dad finally found the box though. First finders!

After letterboxing, we went to walmart in Tawas. I didn't really like this store. It was set up exactly like the one in Killeen, TX which didn't bring back any happy memories at all. Also, the deli there doesn't mark down their chicken pfffffftttt whatever lol. On the way home, we stopped at this KFC/Taco Bell place at the drive thru in Oscoda. I had a KFC Snacker and it was disgusting. I've had them before and didn't remember them tasting like that. We got home a little after midnight.....and then I stayed up til 4 am watching Deliverance!!!! Haaaahahahaha.

Another post in the same week?

I know I have just been posting once a week, but I felt like it once again. I have been working out for 9 days in a row now. I can definitely feel myself getting stronger. The push-ups are becoming easier (of course they are only the on the knees kind)! I am just hoping I keep finding the motivation to keep doing it everyday.

Yesterday at Meijer, I bought some of this hand sanitizer made by Gold Bond. It's lotion. It has no alcohol look, feel, or smell. I love it. It was a bit pricey though but worth it I think. I think it will be a nice addition to my letterboxing "stuff" bag.

Last Saturday, my parents and I took my son sledding all day. That was a blast. He had a lot of fun. We all went down on the toboggan several times. Flipped over a couple times, too!

The earthquake in Haiti really touched something in me. It was really devastating. They are one of the poorest and overpopulated countries and to have something so awful happen. I have a real soft spot in my heart for children. I can't stand hearing about child abuse or children dying of diseases or being killed in accidents or murdered by crazy people. I seriously bawl my eyes out. Just imagining how many children died in Haiti breaks my heart. Or knowing how many orphans were made. It's terrible. The pastor of my church and his son went to Haiti a few years ago to build some things. Missionaries from the Free Methodist group that we knew also were in Haiti. They made it back home thankfully. Another missionary, Merle West, is presumed to have died there. He was also from Michigan and The Free Methodist missionaries. He arrived in Haiti an hour before the earthquake hit. My cousin Paula and her parents knew him. Some people at my church also knew him. That really makes it hit home when people you know are directly involved. Pat Robertson really is one of those people that makes Christians look bad. I cannot believe the comments he made about Haiti deserving this because they made a pact with the devil?!?! Seriously that is screwed up. He also said New Orleans deserved Hurricane Katrina as punishment for all the abortions in this country. That is one messed up dude. Anyway there are several ways people can donate money to support Haiti. ClintonBushHaitiFund and Stiller Strong are a couple of ways. I wish everyone that is able to give, would. Yesterday morning, they were hit with an aftershock earthquake of 6.1.
I realize some people have the attitude of I am not going to help another country when our own people need help. I just hope when catastrophes happen in the USA, other countries don't take that same attitude.

January Thaw

So in the snow belt of Michigan, it has been in the mid to upper 30's all week. It hit 40 on Saturday! I am seeing bare patches of grass! What a strange site! I love when the snow is melting. Letterboxing can't be too far away =) Okay I am dreaming. It's nice right now (nice for mid winter in Northern Michigan anyway lol), but I am sure we will still get some more snow dumped on us before Spring springs.

So it was another week on my Weight Watchers program tonight. I got my 16th meeting medal tonight. I lost 1.6 lbs. I was expecting to lose more because I worked hard. I did a Biggest Loser workout everyday!!! Tonight though at the meeting, the leader said that sometimes we work really hard at getting activity in, and it doesn't show up on the scales because we are building muscle. She encouraged us to start taking measurements as that is another way to measure success. I guess I should have taken mine before I joined. I guess I was too depressed to think what they would say! I know I have lost inches. My pants don't like to stay up around my waist...I guess that's good. I don't have to buy new clothes either since I have about every size of clothes I will ever need in boxes somewhere!!!! I used to be a lot smaller than I am now. I am not going to get discouraged and I am going to keep working out everyday. Eventually the scales will catch up!

Another Week has come and gone

So this week I lost 1.8 lbs. It's not much, but after gaining two weeks in a row, I will take it! I still have to lose .6 to get down to where I was before I gained! I wasn't motivated this week to exercise at all. I exercised 2 days; today and this past Tuesday. Both of those days I did the Biggest Loser on the Wii. One of those workouts earn me a ton of activity points. I want to try do so the game at least 4 days this week. I'd really like to do it everyday. I bet I'd lose a lot this coming week. My friend Rachel is much more brave than I am. I will not do a before pic because I look disgusting! I do not post full body pics of myself anywhere for a reason! Maybe after I lose a bit more I will be brave.

This week was not a very good one. My 2 1/2 year old son, Shane, got really sick on Wednesday night. He was being very whiny, like he is when he is really tired. He just wanted to be held constantly. When I got ready to lay him down, I noticed he was burning up. I took his temp around 9 pm ish and it was 101.4. I went to town and got some children's acetaminophen and gave that to him. I checked his temp an hour later and it had gone up to 102.2. I couldn't give him more of that medicine and the store was closed so I couldn't buy ibuprofen. I took off his shirt and had him sleep like that. During the night I felt his head and the fever seemed to have gone away. He was moaning and crying in his sleep all night. He got up at 6:30 Thursday morning and he was burning up again. He said he hurt everywhere and was coughing a lot. I gave him a warm bath which seemed to cool him off a little too much. He was shaking and clattering his teeth in no time. I made him a doctor's appointment for 1:45. At the dr's office he had a temp of almost 103. Ears nose and throat were fine. She checked his urine and he didn't have a uti. She could tell there was something not right with him though. His fever was too high and he was still crying and moaning there so she thought it was probably more than a viral infection. She had us go to the main part of the hospital and get blood drawn and chest xrays done. His white blood count is supposed to be around 14,000 when healthy, it came back as 31, 000! There was also a spot on his lungs and since she couldn't see anything else that could be wrong, she decided to diagnose pneumonia! We then had to go to the ER to get this massive dose of an antibiotic that required 2 shots given at the same time, one in each leg. 2 nurses gave the shots and another nurse and I held him down. I wanted to cry. He was screaming. The high white blood count had me extremely anxiety ridden. My older sister and one of my younger 1st cousins both died of cancer and that is what immediately came in my mind. The doctor called me from her house on her day off to ask how he was doing and to tell me that so far everything has come back normal. They did some cultures of his blood and urine and if something shows up when the results come back, they will let me know. She said even the chest xray didn't show a big enough spot to really be pneumonia. The white count though made it clear it was a bacterial infection, but we still have no clue where. It could still be pneumonia that had just started. His fever went away really quick and hasn't come back so far. He is now on this liquid amoxicillin that he absolutely hates. I have to force him to take it. Not fun at all. I did take a taste of it and it is disgusting. It looks like sour milk but is supposed to taste like oranges I think- yuck! He is at his dads right now and I am guessing he is doing fine. Shane never gets sick, so this was a bit scary for me.

Today was my mom's 56th birthday! We went out to dinner and did some shopping. I ran in to an old friend I used to work with while I was at walmart tonight and got a hug! Bill was always the best person in the place.

Well that's about all folks!
~Carrie or Ezmerelda ;)

The New Year and such

Well the first snow fell the day after Thanksgiving, and hasn't quit. I live in the snow belt so that is to be expected. However this means no letterboxing up north for me for awhile. Koalacat wants me to go downstate and box down there as they don't get much snow. It's still cold and the ground is froze of course. I don't know though. I don't have a job or any kind of income at the moment, so it's probably not a good idea to go down anytime soon.

In other news, I joined Weight Watchers on the first Monday in October. I am not losing very fast and it's discouraging me kind of. I've only lost 15 lbs in 3 months. I guess that is better than gaining 15 lbs but still not fast enough to satisfy me. My parents bought me The Biggest Loser game for the Wii for Christmas. I really like that game. I am hoping that it well help me lose a bit faster. I gained the last 2 weeks. That isn't surprising considering it was the holidays and I didn't gain much but it's just another setback. I need to get kicked in the butt! At Weight Watchers last night we had to make a goal for the 1st meeting in April. It could be anything. It didn't have to necessarily be weight loss, but that is what I chose. We had to write it down in a card and seal it. The leader is going to send them to us at the end of March. I am thinking I set my goal too high though and that I might not achieve it. I know that is definitely not the right attitude to have! I guess I will just have to get motivated. I chose to lose more weight in the next 3 months than I have in the last three. I'm excited that the Biggest Loser is back on. That show inspires me big time.

Christmas this year was good. Shane got a lot of presents! I love watching him being excited about things. He means the world to me. I love him more than anyone or anything.

I'm still single. Ugh. I totally hate being single. I want a boyfriend! Ha that sounds cheesy but it's true. But I want a good guy and I don't want to just settle with the first guy that comes along (but I may if I think he is the right one of course). Although I know I can't be a fat cow like I am now, if I am expecting someone to be attracted to me.

Alright, I don't know what else to blog about! My blogs aren't very organized! =D